The trials of a broken shell

People often think that being a disabled adult is a luxury. I mean hell, why wouldn't it be? You get government income if you're not able to work and Medicaid or "Medi-Cal" for doctors appointments and other medical expenses. However, the truth is, it's like an infant being given just a taste of a nipple for milk and never actually given enough to fill their bellies. It's incredible to notice that just cause I'm "different" I'm somehow mentally retarded or deaf to where people need to come up to me and speak as if I were a toddler. Wow, just...wow.  Regarding the "plush" lifestyle: I can only accrue so much money or assets before I'm fined and have time limits on when and where I can apply for housing. If I fail either of these I'm fined again and have to go back on a four year waiting list.

How the hell is that a life of luxury? Most of the income I receive has to go towards rent, the rest, to my medical bills and student loans which total tens of thousands of dollars. I barely have enough money to go out with friends or even buy my own food as needed. Then I constantly have to consider "what ifs." What if my scooter broke and I needed to buy a new one? Sucks to be me in that case.

Truthfully I wish I could be better, have more, have done better and made better choices in my life. Alas I failed where I should have succeeded and now may never achieve the goals or dreams I had set for myself. Still I try and persevere despite these challenges and set backs. Still I strive and hope to reach those dreams and goals which mean so much to me.

I think I'll end my first blog here and see what others may think.