Recognizing those we cherish and value

I recently wrote a letter to a dear friend whom I have known my entire life. Though not bound by blood ties, he is without a doubt a brother to me. Through his support and unwavering help I have gotten to experience things that would otherwise have been impossible for me. It made me think upon and reflect how we usually only acknowledge or recognize someone's value after they've passed on. Kind of strange don't you think? That we wait until someone has passed to say how wonderful, helpful, or joyful they were in our lives. I want you my reader to take a second and step back and think who do you truly feel grateful to in your life right now? How often do you express or think of that person? Have you ever actually written to them or told how grateful you were? Studies show that the more gratitude we show others, the greater our overall happiness.

I can only reflect on those people that have passed whom I failed to acknowledge or at least thank appropriately for the lessons they taught me. Clearly one could consider my dad such an example. My memories of my childhood are fragmented. I remember good times, and horrible times. Being around a drunken abusive violent father figure tends to force one to grow sooner than others. However, in spite of my dads addictions and at times violence, I learned much from him, and owe who I am to the lessons he's taught me.

It's only years after he's passed that I understand just how much I failed to thank him for. Despite the hardships and abuse, I am who I am because of the trials and struggles I endured. I actually considered once if I could have been born on my due date (August 21) and had no disability whatsoever, would I still be me? It raises the questions, of how do you define identity? Despite my disability and despite the turmoil of my upbringing are these things that define who I am as an individual or they just abstract parts of my identity?

If I was given the choice to be free of my disability for one day, would I accept it and how would that change me. This is unique in itself. I am defined by the actions and struggles I've taken over my life. Both the good and the bad, the heartbreaking, and the heart warming aspects that make me who I am are unique in that no matter my physicality or situation they can never be replicated. No two people or experiences are exactly alike. 

I  only hope that as the years progress I continue to find some measure of self-worth and strength from within. Though I may not compare to my friends in the areas of physicality or even relationships, I still am who I am and only can offer what I have. Here's hoping I get to shine through the duration of my time.